Username: CalmDepths
I never thought something like that would have such an impact. I mean….I’m not that person. I’m myself, alone - an island. Even when I’m in a relationship, I don’t get giddy like this.
But here I am, smiling like an idiot.
You reached out and it’s not Sunday yet.
I’ll admit that there was a moment where I wasn’t sure what to think - we said Sunday and this isn’t Sunday. And I thought to myself - if it were me in your shoes, and I had bad news to deliver, I’d probably wait until the last possible moment Sunday Night to do it - so this probably wasn’t bad news.
It wasn’t. You’re back.
You made a really tough decision, and that’s not the end of it - I’ll try to be here for you in any way as you go through that, because it’s what I do. And I’m sure there will be unintended consequences…..but I don’t care. You’re back.
….On cloudy days like today, radio signals sometimes bounce between the earth and the lower atmosphere - this is called ‘skip’ and signals can be heard hundreds of miles away.
I wonder, if I stand outside with my radio, and hold down the transmit key…..will my love make it to you?
I dropped my phone the other day - the screen protector did its’ job and saved me from an expensive bill, but it needed to be replaced. I know other people just pull the old one off and throw the new one on, but not me - I have my funny ways. So, I had to take it off, use a little goo-gone to get rid of the adhesive, use about 20 alcohol prep pads on the phone (and another few on my hands - dry fingers = less oil to grab dust!). Then I had to sit there with a wide spudger and slowly work every. single. bubble out. One bubble means I’ve failed and the whole thing needs to be replaced!
It took a while, but it’s on and it looks really good. I instinctively reached for my phone to open signal to tell you this – not because I wanted to show off my rather high-level screen-protector skills. I wanted you to just….know. Be a part of it. Make fun of me for being a dork about it because secretly you want to be tackled. Anything. Just…that connection. Since November, you’ve steadily wormed your way in and now I find that I want to share every little thing with you.
I miss you. I know you’re dealing with a lot - heavy, real life sort of stuff. I know I can’t help…..But goddamn, do I wish I could.
Two days ago, it seemed like your and my world shook.
This morning, the world shook.
Are you OK? I know your house seems to be allergic to weather….
I want so badly to reach out, but you need space - so I have constructed a box to hold this concern. It doesn’t stop me from feeling it….it just keeps it all in one place.
I’ve been thinking about you all day. I’ve stared at our conversation countless times.
I have so many thoughts, so many feelings, but what matters most of all is you. What are you thinking, in this moment? Are you talking to someone - anyone - so that this doesn’t become a spiral? Are you drinking enough water? You know you, like me, aren’t the greatest with that - and you do *not* need more to deal with than you already have?
I can’t imagine the situation you’ve found yourself in - and in true ‘us’ fashion, it’s never just one thing. That would be too easy.
Ten thousand different threads, trying to come at this from every possible angle…..it’s no wonder sleep is difficult. I hope you’re able to find some - I know it’s important to you!
I couldn’t believe how easy it was to get to know you. One day, you told me it was because we weren’t getting to know each other - we were already connected and were….refamiliarizing ourselves.
I’m a man of science and that sentence looks ‘woo woo’ - but when you said it, I knew it was true nonetheless.
I don’t really know what this is going to be. I don’t know if I’ll show it to you. Maybe it’s the start of our epic - Big Love discovered, tested, and…..*what?* Maybe it’s just a bunch of carbon atoms trying to figure out what just blew up and how they can fix it. Maybe it’s just me, explaining what this was.
But, if your spooky view is right, if our connecting (reconnecting?) was written in the stars…..this is me screaming into the abyss.
This is me, begging for just one more tomorrow.
Just one more tomorrow….
Me: I’ll be thinking of you
Ancient Longing: Same. I love you too.
Ancient Longing: I’ll talk to you in a few tomorrows.
Urgently needed: A flash forward button.
[CalmDepths@]$ exit
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